Monday, June 3, 2024

Honeysuckle and Lilac

 Honeysuckle and Lilac

Among the scents that bring me back home

To an earlier time

When my mom would iron my hair ribbons and teach me how to sew

Waves gently crashing along the shore and beach birds

Among the sounds that bring me back to the beach

When we were young

Planes ahead and bicycles

Among the sights and sounds from JFK and RVC

When we were growing up

Dinner bells and neighborhood outdoor games

That bring me peace with the memory of my mom always being home and there to greet us

When we needed a Band-Aid or a bologna sandwich

Favorite meals for our birthdays

Always tasted like mom because they were made with love

Lest not forget Welsh Rarebit, leg of lamb, mashed potatoes, and other favorites of my brothers like Spaghetti O’s, Lenny's personal pizzas, and TV dinners

Hand-sewn twirling costumes

The list goes on!

I miss you, mom, every single day!

Love you Forever!


Thursday, May 23, 2024

Mom

 7:08 pm

Saying Goodbye


This is the first time in my life I cannot call my mom and say Hi! She is about to leave this world, and I am so very sad.


I am so very grateful that I was able to pray with her before I left. I asked her if she wanted to pray with me and she said yes. We prayed the Hail Mary and the Our Father together. 4:51-4:54pm


My mom wants to die, and I told her it's ok to go now. We love you and it's ok to go to daddy now.


I am in shock and so very sad. She was my rock!!! I will miss you terribly. Thank you for being such a great and strong-willed mother. So many memories to last my lifetime.


I am sitting outside the Homestead Marriott after dinner with Donal enjoying a nice breeze on a warm evening.


5/30/24


Goodbye mom. I sit at a holy hour watching the sunset with joy and sadness  on the day of your death as God welcomes you home. I cry because I wish you could have stayed with us forever but know that’s impossible. You are with dad now and you can hold hands for eternity. 


I’m blessed to have so many caring friends. Thank you for being such a great mom! I love you forever. 


Wednesday, April 3, 2024

Letting Go

March 20th: 9pm after being told my sister will never speak to me again. I texted and said, "I'm sorry but you will always be my sister. I just wish there was talking and listening and vice versa but maybe someday.” I will miss you greatly as I have in the past several months. There is always more to a story but I guess it will just be what it will be. I truly am sorry. I love you no matter what.

March 20th: no response from Beth but I added, "7 months is a long time. It would have been better if we could have talked about this sooner. I do remember but you caught me off guard. I guess the only way I am allowed to talk is via text but I will stop now."

April 4th:  Dad's Anniversary in Heaven.  My thoughts only and did not text this.  You have made outrageous assumptions about all of this. I almost feel sorry for you, but I am done with your drama, immaturity and bullying behavior. No more. I am now free of all of that. You will never control or bully me or my kids again. 

April 10th: Sent apology via text...I am so sorry for the pain I have caused you and Tricia. I never meant to hurt either of you.

April 22nd:  I cry every day over this. My daughter made a decision that she did not want to take a chance and have her cousin ruin her wedding with her history of drama, and I stuck by her. Apparently, I said some mean things to my sister about Tricia in August (probably after several glasses of wine), and she said nothing to me until she summoned me to call her on a weeknight when I got home from work at 9pm. I never should have called her. The lack of respect of telling me her feelings over the phone is hard to take. I never told her Tricia would not be invited because I am afraid of my sister. I also did not stand up for myself when she changed her mind after I said I wanted my dad's medals, and wha la! she gets the medals. I miss her everyday but do not miss the bullying, quite honestly.  Nothing is ever good enough...my place in Naples, my husband's family, always on her terms for my entire life. History of not being nice to my kids either but apologies never appear and her way of saying no to buying wrapping paper from them is downright insulting. None of us were ever good enough for her. I tried giving support for Tricia for her entire life. But things done and said without apology or acknowledgment came to a head with my daughter's wedding. I feel so bad for my niece Morgan. She is in the middle and showed up for the shower. I hope she still comes to the wedding. My sister accused me of breaking up the family but the family broke up years ago. She has a manipulative way of always being the victim and somehow getting people to rally around her when she is victimized...I am starting therapy today...hope it helps me grow up and move on. I actually want to move away so I don't have to think about her everytime I am in familiar territory. I am mourning the loss of my sister while she mourns the loss of me but not for the same reasons.  I am the bad guy - three sides to every story...this is rediculous and childish. There are two things going on here...what I said in August and Amanda's decision to not invite her cousins. She wanted people at the wedding who she has relationships with. I knew this was going to happen though. 

April 22  therapy helped  perspective…I’ve been excommunicated by my sister  that’s healing in itself 

 No one stands up to my sister, ever. But, my daughter did!

April 23. After my brother Donal texted me that he was unable to att me the wedding. Not sent but wish I did. I hope you are happy. I’m done! Our family fell apart years ago and you’ve proved yourself once and for all that you will always play the eternal victim and pin people against each other Your Bully behavior may be able to control others but it will no longer control me

April 27. I miss you today and everyday, but I don’t miss how you make me feel sometimes. The upstaging, drama, bullying and disapproval of things and talking behind mine and other people’s backs is now part of my past. 

April 28th. Wish my sister was here with me today and getting bonded with me. We are on similar paths but at different stages  I am truly sorry  I was not there for you for Pat, Peggy, Johnny and now for Tricia 

I wish to teach my children to be present and understanding  

May Florida and moms passing

June 14

The fact that you won’t work this out with me is mind blowing. Speaks volumes. I really hope this tactic brings you peace. Judge, jury and executioner to your only sister. Incredible and sad. And you don’t even know the whole story. Mind boggling! And the fact that I am never allowed to speak is also mind boggling. A lifetime of not being allowed to speak is beyond comprehension. I wish you well and hope that those who follow you are allowed to have their own voice.  

Judge jury and executioner  wow  

May 30, 2025

Still no word  mom’s first anniversary in heaven. the pain is real  

July 2025

Anyone know how this feels? A lifetime of this feeling is now gone! Once a bully always a bully. Just wanted to confront my bully!! I’m good now. No more bullies in my life.  I’m free of bullies forever